How can I be the real me?

Q. Hi,so last year I was in a school were I fit in and I was really happy.But then I 

changed schools and I was myself but I ended up being unpopular and the 

boys called me ugly and made fun of me.At a dance nobody wanted to dance 

with me so after a few months I turned quiet and really shy.If someone talked

to me I said stupid stuff and I wasn't myself at all.So I am gonna change schools.

In September I am starting in a new school and I really wanna fit in there.The 

problem is that I won't be myself.Just a quiet shy girl and I wanna know how

can I be myself?

 

A. Hey :)

 

Thanks for your question! Firstly, do not let this get you down! The most important thing is that you remain true to yourself. Do not let other people stereotype you and try to tell you what you are, because you have free will! The choice to be whoever you want to be! Remember that, above everything else.

 

When you start your new school make sure you are three things...
1. Yourself
2. Honest
3. Open

 

Don't try to be someone you're not to fit in, remain honest with the people you meet, don't make up stories or facts about your previous school and life and be open with people, don't hide away! The key to being yourself is to believe in the person you are! Don't try to change yourself to fit in with the crowd.

 

Think of it as a fresh start! A new start where no one knows your past or how you were at your old school or anything! Take advantage of this to start afresh and make genuine friends with people who appreciate the REAL you!

 

Everyone has a special quality, don't hide yours away! Believe in yourself and your abilities, be confident and forget about any insecurities you may have!

 

Hope this Helps & Good Luck!

Sophie x

How to progress things...

Q. Hey Soph ! Okay so uhm there's this boy riight?

 So what happened was a couple of months ago he took one of my guy friend's phones (they go to the same boarding school in another city not too far from mine) he added me on bbm. I knew he wasn't some pedophile or anything because I asked my friend about it.

So now we've been briefly speaking but not enough to really know each other well, I barely know him. So on Saturday my older brother had a rugby match against their school and of course I went there to watch. When I finally met him he was really sweet like the first thing he said was "I'm so glad you came, its so nice to finally meet you." And my friends made it uber awkward asking him random questions.
So since my friends made it awkward and I told my guy friend about it. He said that"well I could hook you guys up but he doesn't know you well." Now things are a bit tense. I don't know how to start a conversation with him or anything. And I'm really attracted to this guy and I haven't been this attracted to someone since forever. What can I doooo ?

A. Hey :)

Firstly, you are not alone in this issue, so I'm hoping some little snippets of advice will help a lot of people!

So many people make the initial conversation with someone they like and then sometimes it gets to a point where you don't know how to progress things...to move them on...
Its great that you went to the rugby match to meet him in person and see the person behind the messaging! Use this to your advantage! Ask him about rugby, get him talking about how often he plays or his team, anything! He will be a lot more comfortable talking to you about something he likes and does, even after your friends made it awkward for you! After this, start to chat about more general things, films, tv, events, school, friends and try to progress from here. Maybe suggest a meet up with the mutual friend who introduced you to him?

Remember, don't rush into anything or try to be anything you're not! Be yourself and don't be afraid to make the first move and message him first! Once you get him talking, things will become a lot more relaxed! Don't bombard him with messages everyday if he doesn't reply quickly, play it cool and go with what happens! Just don't be afraid to make the effort!

Hope this Helps & Good Luck!
Sophie x

Never kissed a boy...

Q. Hi Sophie. I'm 14 and I have never kissed a boy. I have been to 3 teenage discos where all you are meant to do is meet random boys and kiss them. Done and done. I seem to have a problem saying yes. Before I even see the guy I immediately say no. Normally I don't really care but quite recently at a disco this REALLY cute guy asked and I said no! Im really more of an independent girl, I haven't ever had a boyfriend but I want one. I don't like always being on my own. Well I know there's a lot in this but if u could give me some advice that would be great. Thanks

A. Hey :)

First of all don't think that you're up against the clock to kiss a boy! Although it may seem like a huge deal at the moment, don't rush into anything you don't want. Maybe focus more on getting to know a guy, as opposed to going to these discos and just kissing random guys! That way, when you get to know someone better, you can see whether you have similar interests of which will lead to a good relationship! Being independent is a great character trait to have, so there's no need to lose that for the sake of a boy! My top advice would be to get to know a guy first, become friends, get to know them and as time goes on, if you are interested in each other, you will get that kiss which you want, with a boy who deserves you!

Hope this Helps & Good Luck!
Sophie x

So There's This Guy...How do I talk to him?

 Q. So I'm totally attracted to this guy at my school who is a grade lower than I am. That's not what I'm concerned with, but I've liked him for over a year, and I have
NEVER talked to him at all. Plenty of times I could have done something, but I am shy and nervous and every time I see him. I can't even try to look at him in the eyes. There are many times where I would catch his eye looking at me possibly. I just need to know what I should do to try and meet him and talk to him. PS He is in band, and love music. I always see him with a guitar and just strumming away. :)

A. Hey :)

This is such a common issue, but I hope some tips can help you along the way..

To begin with, start off with simply a smile and 'Hi' whenever you see him. This way it breaks the initial tension between you and can raise your confidence, then as time goes on, maybe progress the conversation slightly; including the usual conversation starters: 'How are you?' etc. I know that even simple small talk can seem really nerve-racking but once you get over this initial stage, I promise it will be a lot easier to start talking. You mentioned he's in a band and loves music, so that is a perfect way to get to know each other more. Maybe you could ask about his band, if they have any gigs coming up etc? However, ensure you sound interested in the topic so he'll want to talk to you more! 

If you're really feeling shy and terribly nervous, you could add him on facebook (if you both have it) and start a small conversation on chat, which may be better if you don't see him as often, but then do progress to speaking face-to-face.

Simple small talk can progress into full conversations and then build your friendship up that way before progressing into a relationship. But please remember to be yourself during this whole process, don't try to be a massive fan of rap music just because he is, otherwise it will get increasingly confusing. So be yourself because you have nothing to lose!

Hope this Helps & Good Luck

Sophie x

How to Meet Guys....

I'm sure there are plenty of nice guys in my town,like the ones I see just minding their own business,chilling with their friends or pondering around stores. But I have no idea how to approach them. Do you think asking a guy out is weird or do you think he'd appreciate it?I think they might just be confused about what a girl wants when they see all this crazy behaviour so they might be scared to ask :P

 

Hey :)

Being at an only girls school puts you at a bit of a disadvantage, but I'd suggest that you get out with a couple of girlfriends to join a local club; be it a youth club, sports club etc. or even around town so you can get to know the local lads as friends and they can get to know you.Start off with a simple 'Hi' and maybe a compliment to break the ice. Follow with the standard conversation initially, 'what you up to?' 'how are you?' etc. Then if things develop, great! and if you see someone your interested in and who you like it will be alot easier to approach them and suggest going out to the cinema or whatever.

Not all guys are confident, so may be flattered by your attention. But at the end of the day if you want to date a guy you like, you might have to face the risk of being turned down. But don't get put off, there are plenty of good guys out there.

So most importantly, remember to be true to yourself.

Hope this Helps & Good Luck

Sophie xoxo

When You Want More Than Just Friendship...

 Hey,
Well, I met this girl last October and we have become really really close friends since then. She would tell me who she likes and her situations with family/friends ect. and vise-versa. With our relationship being so close, I started liking her a lot within the month of March. Since we were so close, I would know who she liked and at this time she liked a guy. But I still tried to get her to have those feelings for me.Well the guy she liked eventually told her that he had similar feelings for her and they went out. I tried to forget about those feelings I had for her. That didn't work out very well. She and the guy broke up in about the end of April beginning of May. Well I tried to give her cushion time and give her 2-3 weeks before I tried to get her to like me. But I procratinated and was too late. She ended up liking another guy, and Ofcourse my life being as amazing as it possibly get, they went out. Well,  after them going out for about a month I could tell that things wernt going that good at all. Me being such good friends with her she told me what was happening and I comforted her as much as I possibly could. Checking every day how she was holding up, going to visit her as much as I could, and usually when I did she had just finished crying and she would end up crying even more on my shoulder and I tried to comfort her as much as I possibly could. You can not imagine how mad and upset I was at the guy for doing this to her. After about a week or more of this she eventually ended it with the guy... I was sad that she had to go through this, but I couldn't let what happened last time happen again. So we started talking more frequently and instead of hanging out with  all of our friends, just us two would to the park, talk, go for walks ect.. well after two or three weeks of that I felt like she started liking me back. Then there was a time she wasn't online for over a week, and she wasn't replying to me on face book. I Started getting curious of what happened to her after three weeks of not seeing or talking to me she finally sends me a message to me saying " Hey, what's up??? Sorry we haven't talked in a while. I'm In NewFoundland. Im Coming back Next Week. See You At Youth :)." After reading this I was sooo upset and confused. Why didn't she tell me about her leaving??? Why did she take so long to message back?? The worst part is that I missed her sooo much and that made me like her even more. Well a week passed and I was at youth. I tried to act like I didn't know she was coming. So me and my friend were talking waiting for youth to start and from the corner of my eye I saw the door opening and when I looked my heart skipped a beat and she looked so beautiful. I tried to act like I didn't see her and and went on with the conversation wanting her to come up to me. She came up to our the group I was in an I acted like a didn't notice that she was there and pretended to continue my conversation. She said hi to everyone like normal and then after finally saying hi te everyone else in the group she stopped, I looked her in the eye and she looked at me in the eye. Then she finally said "OMGSHH!!! ***** MISSED YOU!!!!" Then she jumped on top of me and hugged me really tight. I hugged her back, put my head in her shoulder and whispered to her "I Missed You Sooo Much." Then she let go and I asked her about her trip and we talked for the rest of the time we were there. I thought we had something going. After youth we started tolling on MSN and she told me something that I didn't want to hear. It turns out that she and this guy were texting while she was in Newfoundland and she liked him. She always talks about him and how nice he is. This has been going on for over 2/3 weeks and I don't know what else to do :(

Hey :)

First of all, Well done. From the sounds of it you have acted as such a valuable friend to have, comforting her when she was down and really 'picking her up' in a sense when things didn't turn out. An attribute which you should be proud to have for really helping her out as best you could.

The question is, is it worth risking your friendship for love?

Being friends for such a long time, you obviously share such a strong friendship of which it is obvious she relies on you for. Maybe she just views you as a friend at the moment and you need to handle it carefully to avoid losing a friendship, but it could also be that she likes you too, could she be trying to make you jealous? It must be hard knowing all about her relationship history and seeing her with someone else when you so desperately want it to be you, however the main issue is, could it ruin your friendship?

Considering her track record and her history of relatively short month-long relationships, do you think she's ready for a serious relationship? You can be her boyfriend for the month at minimum or a friend for a lifetime. A decision only you can make.

Having been in a similar situation myself but the other way round, I would encourage you to tell her how you feel. But be mature about it, you need to remind her how good your friendship is and simply ask if she thinks it could ever be more in a light-hearted, 'what-if'  way. You should be able to tell pretty quickly from her reaction whether she feels the same way. But if it isn't what you're expecting, make it absolutely clear that you don't want it to affect your friendship and wish to carry on as normal, which you should try to impliment as soon as possible. If she really values your friendship, I would hope she would look past this and not create any awkwardness between you. Even if worst comes to worst, at least then you know the truth and can try to move on knowing at least you tried and you wont have any regrets. 

Hope this Helps & Good Luck!

Sophie xoxo

Crush

Q. Well its about me having a crush on this guy since yr 7 and now I am going in yr 11 (I know my friends say I dumb for liking him for tht long).  I told him I like him at the end of yr 9. Well its really confusing because he gives mix signals (btw I told him over facebook and when sent him the msg we werent friends but like after he read the msg he added me) anyways after tht i started talking to him on fb but he would reply really late or he would say tht he needs to go after talking for a min. When ever I see him at a party or at school he acts so weird like he wants to be around me but doesnt wants to be at the same time. I am scared of talking to him face to face cuz I get butterflies when I see him (even after liking him for tht long). I start talking gibberish LOL. So wht should I do? does he likes me or hates me?

A. Hi :)
 This is such a common issue, but at the end of the day you need to know where you stand.
To be blunt, by the sounds of it, (facebook section especially) it does sound like perhaps he isn't 'into' you as such but to avoid embarrassment if you've got a friend you can trust, I would suggest you maybe ask her/him to casually find out who he likes. Maybe he does like you just is slightly embarrassed or shy or he doesn't like you in a relationship way but doesn't want to hurt your feelings. Either way, after liking this guy for the best part of 4 years, you've been focused on him entirely, you may be missing all the other suitable guys around you.

Guys like this are so confusing, showing signs they like you one minute, and the next acting all akward around you and it can be really frustrating especially after a long period of time, so the best way to go is find out, it may not be the outcome you'd like but at least you know the truth and can move on if needs be. But hey' if worst comes to worst don't let this stop a good friendship, from year 7-11 you've known each other a long time and this could develop into a good frienship. At school or a party when you see him, dont be scared to say a quick hi, it will get you talking and who knows where it will lead.

Hope this Helps & Good Luck

Sophie xoxo